If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
