i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
