I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
