she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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