I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
