Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
