Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
