I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
