So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
