I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
