I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
