he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize