Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
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Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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