Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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