so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
