The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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