Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
