Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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