you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize