Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Houston, we have a blender
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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