Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
