saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
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