It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
