omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.