Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table