After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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