The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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