She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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