I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize