I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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