Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
