Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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