glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
