i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
did i walk over a car last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
