We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
