i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
