i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
