Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
