I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
