There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
