Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
