There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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