No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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