I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
