I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
