he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
