I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
