and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
