ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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