That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
