Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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