How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
