she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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