I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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