we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
