what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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