just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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