I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
