at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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