im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
