I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
