I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
