Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
3pm strippers are depressing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
