end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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