drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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